At midnight,
I awoke, burning up and in writhing pain.
Whether it is something hormonal, something I ate,
or simply an attack from Satan,
I don't know.
But as I lay there in fetal position,
I began thinking about my life as compared to that of
Job (the Bible) and of
George Bailey (It's A Wonderful Life).
Like Job, I have lovingly, fearfully and willingly served God for as long as I can remember.
And as with Job, in many ways, my life has fallen apart.
Thankfully, unlike Job, my children remain alive and well and I still have a roof over my head.
I have, however, been stripped of many, many things
and have spent plenty of time lamenting the day of my birth.
To have been born only to end up where I am right now makes very little sense to me.
Job didn't understand why he was allowed to go through all he went through.
He was, after all, a righteous man.
In fact, God said that there was no one else on the earth like him.
Yet, God allowed Satan to test him, sift him and attempt to destroy him.
I clearly see that the same is true in my own life.
Though Job and I have struggled, we remain faithful.
In fact, through each trial,
we gain new revelation of the LORD
and our relationship with Him is strengthened.
Like Job, I understand that God is sovereign and that He does as He wills.
It does not matter what happens on this earth;
I am His and He is mine.
Yes, His banner over me is Love.
In comparison to George Bailey, I understand what it is like to be thrust
into situations by a sense of duty and responsibility and mostly due to
circumstances beyond my control.
My life has reached a place where all odds are against me.
Though no one has (yet) come to arrest me, things are a hopeless mess.
People judge and do not (even try to) understand.
All the while, things spin out of control.
As with George, Satan attempts to destroy me.
But as I stand on the brink, I remember that Jesus said
in this world would be trial and; testing.
But He also said to not fear because He had overcome it all.
And because He is victoriuos, I am victorious.
I have yet to see this victory manifested in my life,
but I must hold onto this promise
and remember,
His banner over me is Love.
Something the Lord revealed to me this morning (as I lay writhing)
was that both Job and George's stories have happy endings.
Interestingly, God used people to restore both Job and George,
which is, indeed, a miracle!
Both men came out victorious and better off than when they had begun.
Whether my story has a happy ending or not remains to be seen.
But I have come to realize that
all that truly matters is that I remain faithful (to the end) to the One whose
Banner over me is Love.
