Job, George & Me

At midnight,

I awoke, burning up and in writhing pain.

Whether it is something hormonal, something I ate,

or simply an attack from Satan,

I don't know.

But as I lay there in fetal position,

I began thinking about my life as compared to that of

Job (the Bible) and of

George Bailey (It's A Wonderful Life).

Like Job, I have lovingly, fearfully and willingly served God for as long as I can remember.

And as with Job, in many ways, my life has fallen apart.

Thankfully, unlike Job, my children remain alive and well and I still have a roof over my head.

I have, however, been stripped of many, many things

and have spent plenty of time lamenting the day of my birth.

To have been born only to end up where I am right now makes very little sense to me.

Job didn't understand why he was allowed to go through all he went through.

He was, after all, a righteous man.

In fact, God said that there was no one else on the earth like him.

Yet, God allowed Satan to test him, sift him and attempt to destroy him.

 I clearly see that the same is true in my own life.

Though Job and I have struggled, we remain faithful.

In fact, through each trial,

we gain new revelation of the LORD

and our relationship with Him is strengthened.

Like Job, I understand that God is sovereign and that He does as He wills.

It does not matter what happens on this earth;

I am His and He is mine.

Yes, His banner over me is Love.

In comparison to George Bailey, I understand what it is like to be thrust

into situations by a sense of duty and responsibility and mostly due to

circumstances beyond my control.

My life has reached a place where all odds are against me.

Though no one has (yet) come to arrest me, things are a hopeless mess.

People judge and do not (even try to) understand.

All the while, things spin out of control.

As with George, Satan attempts to destroy me.

But as I stand on the brink, I remember that Jesus said

in this world would be trial and; testing.

But He also said to not fear because He had overcome it all.

And because He is victoriuos, I am victorious.

I have yet to see this victory manifested in my life,

but I must hold onto this promise

and remember,

His banner over me is Love.

Something the Lord revealed to me this morning (as I lay writhing)

was that both Job and George's stories have happy endings.

Interestingly, God used people to restore both Job and George,

which is, indeed, a miracle!

Both men came out victorious and better off than when they had begun.

Whether my story has a happy ending or not remains to be seen.

But I have come to realize that

all that truly matters is that I remain faithful (to the end) to the One whose

Banner over me is Love.

God Thoughts No. Forty One

In His goodness and love,

God never ceases to amaze me.

As I persist with determination to know Him more,

He is faithful to reveal Himself anew to me every day.

He is so multi-faceted that we will never know the fullness of Him

until we are with Him in heaven.

Never-the-less,

each moment with Him is a wonderful revelation of His goodness.

The past couple of weeks have been "interesting" for me.

Though I lay down each night feeling exhausted and ready for sleep,

as soon as I try to snuggle in,

my mind kicks into gear.

I toss and turn and I am wide awake.

As I toss, I pray.

With every turn, I converse with God.

Holy Spirit brings to mind

thoughts, dreams, hopes & people.

He gives me ideas, places desires in my heart & speaks to me of others' needs.

With each idea, hope & revelation,

I am infused with an overwhelming sense of expectancy.

As I pray for Him to manifest the promises which He has made to me,

I vow to go about fulfilling the desires He has placed upon my heart;

to bless those that He desires to bless.

Then it occurs to me;

He doesn't really need me to carry out His blessings

(though He delights in sharing with me the desires of His heart).

In the past week,

He has allowed me to bear witness to His goodness

 by answering my prayers for some of those He has laid upon my heart. 

Though He didn't used me to manifest those blessings in their lives,

He gave me a sneak peak into what He was already doing for them!

How exciting!

How amazing!

How humbling that He would share with me what He was planning to do

in the lives of those whom I love.

He truly is an amazing, loving Father!

God Thoughts No. Forty

The older I get, I realize, the less I know;

yet I am convinced of many things.

My need to always be right has dwindled,

yet, there are things which I know to be true.

If man would put aside his need to always be right

and take the time to truly listen to his fellow man,

we would live in a completely different kind of world.

To be truly humble

is to put aside one's "rights"

and the need to always be right;

to defer to others by seeking to

understand them,

empathize with them

and esteem them higher than one's self.

Jesus didn't come to be served but to serve.

Pride and arrogance have no place in the heart of a true servant.

Full reign, compliance and control to Holy Spirit is key.

He must increase and I must decrease.

Better still, He WILL in crease as I purpose to decrease.

How's that for some "random" thoughts?!

God Thoughts No. Thirty Nine

Despite everything going on in the world,

one thing which I know holds true is

God is good.

Jesus ~

the embodiment of goodness.

It is this knowledge

which enables me to get out of bed

every morning.

Were it not for this fact,

the world would be at a loss;

without hope.

Relationship

with Him

is the very origin of

Peace.

May you be blessed

with the knowledge of Him

 and His goodness

this Holiday Season.

God Thoughts No. Thirty-Eight

“Adonai, I am calling to you;

my Rock, don’t be deaf to my cry.

For if you answer me with silence,

I will be like those who fall into a pit.

Hear the sound of my prayers

when I cry to you,

when I lift my hands

toward your holy sanctuary.”

Psalm 28:1-2

My life has reached the place where

just before the scene fades,

the only thing anyone can utter is,

“God help us.”

God Thoughts No. Thirty-Seven

“Whoever hears the Word but doesn’t do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in the mirror; who looks at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.” James 1:23-24

The things I write about are the things God is showing me about myself and working out in my own life. I don’t write to point out the things others may or may not be doing. I simply share from the fountain of my own experiences. If they touch you, bless you, minister to you, offend you or convict you, it is not I who is responsible, but it is Holy Spirit working in you (just as He is in me).

“So all of us, with faces unveiled, see as in a mirror the glory of the Lord; and we are being changed into His very image, from one degree of glory to the next, by Adonai, the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18

When I share, it is what the Lord has revealed to me about myself by holding the mirror up to my own face. Not because He is a sadistic God who likes to point out my faults but because He is a loving father who is answering the plea I made to Him a long time ago; a plea to make me more like Him. In order to do so, I need to see how and where it is that I fall short.

In yesterday’s post, I shared of my need to take a break from Facebook because of the negative feelings it has added to my “Season of Aloneness”. I did not share so that others would feel badly, but simply, to share my honest feelings. I have had people say that they enjoy the blogs where I write with raw emotion and “realness”.

Though I have experienced feelings of loss, hurt and aloneness, the Lord has revealed to me that I have, in the past, been guilty of inflicting these same emotions onto others by my own lack.

I confess, there have been times when the Lord has prompted me to reach out to someone by way of a word, note or phone call and I have failed to act on it. He has taught me that by failing to act on these things, I fail to carry out His will. And when I fail to carry out His will, I miss out on the blessing of being a blessing to someone else. I think the main point of 2 Corinthians 3:18 is that we are to be honest with ourselves and to learn follow the leading of Holy Spirit so that we become more like Him

On the other side of that, the Lord has used my time of being alone to show me that He is, indeed, enough for me. He is my Father, my Savior, my Friend and my Comforter. He wants us to realize that He can be and is, indeed, our All-in-All. When it comes down to it, we are really never truly alone.

In the midst of all of this, I remain human. In the past, I thought that a godly woman would not allow certain emotions to show; that by giving vent to them, I would appear to be less godly, thus giving people reason to point their fingers at me. But guess what? It is God who created the emotions that we feel. He has taught me that He knows my inner most being and is aware of all that is going on within me. And as such, He has taught me that I am free, in Christ, to let those things out and to be honest about it.

So, as I seek, ever, to become more like Him, I will be faced with countless opportunities to look into that mirror and see myself as I truly am while allowing Him to change what ever needs to be changed. And in so doing, I will see those around me through His eyes, thus enabling me to Love the way that He loves.

“Just as water reflects the face, so one human heart reflects another.” Proverbs 27:19

In Order to Save Face, I’m Closing the Book…

Facebook

That is.

Yesterday I announced on Facebook and Twitter that I was quitting;

Quitting Facebook, Twitter & Blogger.

After much consideration, I have decided, however, to keep the blog.

I have always written down my thoughts of God to God.

There is no reason I should cease to do so now.

Whether anyone reads it or not does not matter.

I write because it’s what I do.

It’s who I am.

Facebook and Twitter, however, are another matter completely.

When I first started on FB and Twitter, I thought they would serve as a great way to keep in touch with people; a quick and easy way to share, encourage and uplift one another.

Unfortunately, for about the past year, for me, they have served as tools of discouragement.

I have witnessed others on FB encouraging & loving one another with warm and endearing words while I sit alone in mourning.

In the fourteen months since my mom passed away, I have had one friend who has taken the time to phone me on a regular basis and to encourage & support me (physically, emotionally; even financially). Ironically, she isn’t even on FB!

So…I quit!

Now before you “tsk, tsk” me for being hurt and/or offended, let me say, that I am neither! (any more).

I’m tired.

I’m weary.

I need a break.

Perhaps this is my forty days in the wilderness.

What-ever-the-case, please don’t pray for what you think it is I need.

 If you would like to pray for me, please pray Spirit-led/filled prayers as it is He who knows what it is I need.

I promise I will do the same for you because that’s what He desires for us to do!

In His love, with abundant blessings, have a wonderful day!